Meditation one hour
How I start my mornings sets the tone for the rest of the day. If I don’t meditate and sleep in. Rising after the sun, not having left the house, I feel lethargic. I lock myself in, not responding and closing myself to the outside world. Taking care of urgent matters at work. I become unconscious, choosing to shut out the world, sleep walking. Stuffing myself, trying to dull myself to sleep. This goes on for two weeks, until the energetic clearing last Thursday.
He clears energy centers: Root, Solar plexus, heart, third eyes.
I start feeling better the next day. He says I am moving through a karmic cycle linked to my mother around separation, being misplaced, feeling unwanted/unneeded, and understanding my worth as an Asian woman and culturing differences.
He’s cleared thought forms around love, fear, uncertainty and life journey.
How do you clear blockages and dullness that come and go? Do you have a shaman?
I have gotten better at managing everyday struggles that come and go. When I feel the heaviness rise, I find myself running away by shutting out the outside. I keep myself still and small, turning off the light. To go back to the place I chose to leave, that keeps beckoning me home. Yet it is not a home. It just feels familiar. A space of self-preservation where nothing can get in. Nothing can get out. A self-imposed cage with the door that swings out into the world.
To not meditate daily is like trying to boil water by applying heat and turning it off just before it before. It gets lukewarm, and maybe hot. But it never boils, to enter the next phase of transformation.
To not meditate daily is like not brushing my teeth, letting things get stuck between, food from yesterday living in all the wrong places, rotting and festering, blackening teeth.
I know, it sounds gross. Because it is. The mind needs daily cleaning at least once, if not twice. I sit here, in a modified space, with a dedicated laptop from my wonderful brother.
Trying to get here, I found myself in another blogpost, with encouraging comments from other readers telling me not to stop. They really enjoy my blogs. Thank you for posting. Thank you for encouraging me. I needed to hear that, though I wasn’t even aware of it.
How do you find your way back to yourself? How do you stop running away from yourself, a futile effort. It’s like a dog chasing to catch its tails. Except, it’s opposite. Running away from the shadows. The only way to stop the shadow is to turn off the light, and step into darkness. Or, always be under the sun at its zenith at perfect 90 degree angle. This is impossible.
And so, I am finding myself way back through a different type of stillness. Meditation and an early morning.
I am now going for a walk on the promenade. To move and feel the air move around me.
This love letter is to myself. The child I must take care of. The body I must look after. See you tomorrow. Hopefully at the same time, and at the same place.