It is day of her retirement ceremony. Her spaceship transports 6 adults and 2 children. We leave our phones in the car, as we are entering a secure military compound. Two photographers will capture the event with real cameras, not phones.
We set up 100 cupcakes on plastic table clothes, careful to display them to make them pretty. I greet people warmly as they enter, and they ignore me, with me feeling the culture difference between South Africa and America.
What a well thought out and curated ceremony.
Delesa is in the middle, atop a stage, with the Master Sergeant on our right, to her left, and Commander to her right, and our left.
Commander’s speech celebrates family, mentioning things about us only Delesa would know. Meaning, she wrote the beginning of his speech. The master sergeant’s mentioned how she was the sandpaper to our older sister’s growth. And Unni’s speech to her family was warm and tear jerking. Making every one of women cry.
A beautiful moment for her, and dissolution of all my worries. She starts out saying that someone told her to never meet a recruiter by herself, to get things in writing. Had she done this and entered into the officer route, she wouldn’t have met her husband, and our nieces would not be our nieces. Surrounded by her family, friends, colleagues and accolades. I see she is fine. She was fine. She will be fine. I do not have to worry about her. She is living her best life with a husband who has been with her. Who has stayed. A stable life grounded by her family. And I see what I needed. I had been so worried about her, that I was using her as a barrier to see what I needed to do for my self. Using sacrifices as excuses to do what I needed to do.
With the tears that flow down, hearing her acknowledge my time in Korea. When I flew, and felt helpful. Learning that we can only do what we can, and nothing is possible afterwards.
With the tears that washed over me, I let go of all worry and guilt for those that took care of me. An important moment, for me. For my own life.
Unni wants to bring family and friends back home, but we think otherwise. Stella books out a restaurant and I pay. Taking the reign from her in-laws. The lady in honor passes out after drinking wine, and I fuel the car, on the dangerous empty line before we go back home to rest.