Meditation Day 38 – 1 hour with tears
Exercise 46
So much to write about. What is the focus of the day? To feeling and acknowledging. Not wallowing in the tears and crying for hours. Accepting what I am feeling and finding mechanisms to move on from it.
An hour of meditation using the Dhamma.org audio that is now accessible… Thanks to Shivani pointing out that I’ve been using the incorrect app for years. Funny how we don’t know what we don’t know until the one who knows points them out. Tears and revelations lead to additional discomfort.
The misery is lifted after rowing for 47:29 minutes or 10km. Though I haven’t been consistent, I can feel my strength and endurance pulling the handle at average split of 2:21. Stopping only thrice to sip water and clear my nose. It may have been my personal best.
And so, after the exercise, I feel better. I can look back on yesterday of exciting events. To volunteering a half-Sangha Vipassana meditation for new and old students who showed up for the last sitting. Having 8 people meditate, share a meal and clean up before departing for the evening. The first two sits, I felt dejected and disappointed. Only Shivani and me finding ourselves in the hall. How the crowd changed everything. The sense of community and camaraderie lifted my mood. Yes, I have to work on being equinamous, but I am also being open and honest.
I go home to rest, after a full day of activities and people.
Learning that I am at my best when outdoors, doing stuff, learning new skills, being with people that are interested in improving and developing themselves with kindness and patience. This is me, and this is me at my best.
The love letter goes to all 8 people who showed up yesterday, as promised on time and in great spirits.
Thank you for enriching my life and being a positive influence in my life.
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