Meditation 34 – 1 hour with Metta
Exercise Day – 42
What just happened? I surprise myself as I rise, feeling sharp pain on the left side of my scalp, just above the forehead. Drip drip drip.
Deep red drips onto white tiles.
I run to the bathroom to see the blood trickling down. I unroll a wad of toilet paper to wipe my face and hold it against the head, applying pressure. I had put on headphones to listen to a session while mopping up my place. The only place I could have hurt myself is where I rise too quickly to crack my head open. I feel dizzy and I am not sure if I will be okay. Most likely, yes. I have to present in 35 minutes, so I tell my manager what happened in case I lose my marbles and she needs to take over.
As I sit, my left hand against the tissues against my scalp. I wonder what this is supposed to teach me! So much! Do one things at a time. Don’t plug into headphones to become more aware of my suroundings.
I give the best session, the fifth one since yesterday. It helps to have a familiar face who is willing to engage and go along the presentation as a fellow shopper. Smiling and engaging. My manager tells me this was the best one to date. I agree. I am my own reminder. You don’t know what someone is going through. They could have cracked their head open and pushing on because they are here to do a job. What you see is only a fraction of the truth, if any at all.
Do I go salsa or should I meditate? A craked head. Drive half an hour and move? Probably a bad idea. So I grab my blanket and sit for an hour, including Metta, before going to sleep in the bedroom, tucked under the soft egyptian cotton duvet of comfort.
What is this love letter to? To self-care. Doing what is best for me, at that point in time. To being more aware of myself and my surroundings. To seeing that what we see is not reality.
Back in the bathroom, I see a trace of blood on the floor still. Rusty residue of what used to pump oxygen to my brain just few hours ago.