Day 2 of meditation.
For five days, I was here last month. To work and celebrate my birthday. Busy reconnecting and celebrating, I remember feeling happy.
This time around, why does it feel like an eternity, these eight days? The same place I used to call home feels unfamiliar. Grey and wet, there is no sun to be found. I find myself going deep inside.
I still get up at 4:30. After meditation, I go back to sleep. There is no promenade. There are no mountain ranges. Things open later here. So I get to work just after sunrise, getting things done, working late, going back to the hamster wheel spinning days.
I came up to attend three leadership meetings and deepen professional connections. Seeing the world through non-neurodivergent perspective, I see people are not as interested in engaging with me. No longer a shiny object with the CEO’s ear. Not working on key projects.. Not in the know. It’s been humbling.
Do I care? I do because I’m inherently competitive. I like corporates. I like other overachieving, professional and articulate folks who are always trying to get things done. But do I care enough to become shiny again? To live in the city of hustle and bustle of concrete jungles with no sea breeze and access to gluten-free, plant-based dishes that I have taken for granted as mainstream, after having lived in Cape Town for the last seven months? No.
I used to work 12-hour days, first one in and last one out. Exceeding targets, being called on by name, with people asking me to be on their team. The thing is, I can still exceed targets and work on more projects. However, with limited visible comes fewer invitations.
I see how much I have changed by living in Cape Town. Or, have I become more of who I am? We are the product of our environments. I like myself better in Cape Town. I am more of myself.
This love letter is dedicated to the city of Cape Town. This love letter goes out to my new home.
Lesson learned? Don’t look back in the rearview mirror when trying to moving forward. Don’t look back. Keep your eyes on the road. Set your destination and move on. It’s your choice to move on or be left behind.
I look forward to boarding the flight in an hour. Arriving before 10pm to sleep in my own bed. I look forward to getting up early to hike up and down Lion’s Head, to ground myself to the place I now call home.
25 is a perfect square. 5×5 = 25. It is also a prime number. It’s like me. I’m the 5. In Johannesburg, I feel like a single integer. In Cape Town, I feel multiplied, into a stronger prime. In my prime, living my best life.
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