To moving forward and using the inertia to leap frog before the lull,
When I asked the Monk how to live a balanced life? While I struggle to get to the middle, the middle way, I find myself being compassionate with self when lazy. Berating myself when I’m doing too much. Doing too much and doing too little.
He says it requires trial and error. We’re like crash test dummies driving cars, getting hit, hitting the edges as we drive. Sometimes the car throws us out, and sometimes seat belts restrain us. Or it’s like walking outside and falling into a hole. The first time, it takes massive energy and effort. The second time, we go outside, fall into a hole. And this time, it’s easier to get out.
We go outside, fall into a hole. We find it even easier to get out.
We go outside, fall into a hole. And it takes less effort.
Then one day, we go outside. We see the hole and walk around it.
How many holes have I not seen? How many holes have I ignored? How many holes do I willingly climb into?
No more.
He says the mind cannot be at ease if you are lying. This resonates with me.
One project I’ve been delaying completion on. Why? Because I don’t want to have to say ‘no’ to their request. Because I don’t want them to dislike me. Because I don’t want to show off the work I have not been doing.
Not walking away. Not addressing things when they’re not working out. They are not outright lies. But they are lies that keep my mind focus on these things, because we cannot lie to ourselves.
And so, it’s all about seeing the hole, and choosing to see it. Walk around it. Maybe moving into a different block where there are no holes. Moving to drive in cars, that can take the blunt of many holes.
The monk adds. It’s not just about trial and error. It’s also about merit. What have you done prior to this moment? Maybe you’re wearing a seatbelt. Maybe you took your car for service, so you’re less likely to get hurt.
It reminds me one time in my late teens. Dark, alone, and coasting, I see a highway patrol appear in front of me. Literally out of nowhere. It sways in predictable lines. I try to pull over. I try to pass. The car beckons me to follow it. I do, and I do for a while, my interest piqued. Shaking myself awake.
Then I see it. A couch in the middle of the road. It is 1am. I am in a crappy car. I pass by it, and the highway patrol car disappears. Is this based on merit? Is there an angel?
I cannot answer what I do not know.
What I know is this. There are people and things that are out to help you, even if you don’t ask for it.
What have I learned? That I must go and use my talents and privileges. This is the life I was born into.
And so, with this new skill, I see that I have to continue to sprint. Instead of continuing to train for the marathon. There are many techniques to become stronger and endure more.
And do, here I sit, at Bootlegger, before leaving for the center on the last day. Missing the two morning meditations because I overate. No, the cause was that I went to a comedy show that I was not interested in. My heart wasn’t in it. I wasnt’ in the same frequency as those around me. I was not interested in being there.
And so, here is a love letter to different techniques, different way of doing things, while being clear on the goal and focus of what I am trying to improve on. Meditations. Living in the middle. Becoming more whole. Understanding interdependence that is also called emptiness.